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Sex Tips From A Rabbi

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Girls Light At Home. Charon Soumise. A Jewish couple must meet at least once before the marriageand if either prospective spouse finds the other physically repulsive, the marriage is forbidden. Sex should only be experienced in a time of joy. Sex for selfish personal satisfaction, without regard for the partner's pleasure, is wrong and evil.

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A man may never force his wife to have sex. A couple may not have sexual relations while drunk or quarreling. Sex may never be used as a weapon against a spouse, either by depriving the spouse of sex or by compelling it. It is a serious offense to use sex or lack thereof to punish or manipulate a spouse.

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Sex is the woman's right, not the man's. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife's three basic rights the others are food and clothingwhich a husband may not reduce.

The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah marriage contract. A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time, and may not take a journey for an extended period of time, because that would deprive his wife of sexual relations. In addition, a husband's consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations is grounds for compelling a man to divorce his wife, even if the couple has already fulfilled the halakhic obligation to procreate.

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Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the ketubah.

Although some sources take a more narrow view, the general view of halakhah is that any sexual act that does not involve sh'chatat zerah destruction of seed, that is, ejaculation outside the vagina is permissible. As one passage in the Talmud states, "a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife.

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Nedarim 20a. Any stories you may have heard about Jewish sex occurring through a hole in a sheet are purely an urban legend. One of the most mysterious areas of Jewish sexual practices is the law of niddah, separation of husband and wife during the woman's menstrual period.

These laws are also known as taharat ha-mishpachah, family purity. Few people outside of the Orthodox community are even aware that these laws exist, which is unfortunate, because these laws provide many undeniable benefits.

The laws of niddah are not deliberately kept secret; they are simply unknown because most non-Orthodox Jews do not continue their religious education beyond bar mitzvahand these laws address subjects that are not really suitable for discussion with children under the age of According to the Toraha man is forbidden from having sexual intercourse with a niddah, that is, a menstruating woman.

This is part of the extensive laws of ritual purity described in the Torah. At one time, a large portion of Jewish law revolved around questions of ritual purity and impurity. The law of niddah is the only law of ritual purity that continues to be observed today; all of the other laws applied only when the Temple was in existence, but are not applicable today. The time of separation begins at the first sign of blood and ends in the evening of the woman's seventh "clean day.

The Torah prohibits only sexual intercourse, but the rabbis broadened this prohibition, maintaining that a man may not even touch his wife or sleep in the same bed as her during this time. Weddings must be scheduled carefully, so that the woman is not in a state of niddah on her wedding night.

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At the end of the period of niddah, as soon as possible after nightfall after the seventh clean day, the woman must immerse herself in a kosher mikvah, a ritual pool.

The mikvah was traditionally used to cleanse a person of various forms of ritual impurity. Today, it is used primarily for this purpose and as part of the ritual of conversionthough in some communities observant men periodically immerse themselves for reasons of ritual purity.

It is important to note that the mikvah provides only ritual purification, not physical cleanliness; in fact, immersion in the mikvah is not valid unless the woman is thoroughly bathed before immersion.

The mikvah is such an important part of traditional Jewish ritual life that traditionally a new community would build a mikvah before they would build a synagogue. The Torah does not specify the reason for the laws of niddah, but this period of abstention has both physical and psychological benefits.

Hell, holding your hand makes me want you. Would that happen if we didn't do this?

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I was quiet. Religion is hard, which is why so many people don't practice it. But there is joy in it, too - which is why I joined the thousands of ba'alei teshuvahJews who abandon secular life for the incredible passion that results from devotion to the Torah.

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And Avy was reminding me of one of the greatest joys: sex. I am ready. I take off my clothes and fill the bathtub. After a minute soak, full of peaceful reading, then scrubbing, combing, and rinsing, I am ready to descend into the mikvah's waters.

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I follow a woman down a silent, tiled hall until I reach an unmarked door and walk through it. Bright light bounces off the white ceiling.

I take off my robe and step in until the water reaches my shoulders. I can hear my breath echo against the wall.

I go under; the water gulps. I bend my knees, burying myself in it. I emerge, and the mikvah attendant says, "Kosher.

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When I am finished, as always, I ask for a moment by myself. The kind woman who assisted me steps outside to wait. I face the wall and talk in whispers. I have conversations, but I am alone. It is my most religious moment. Afterward, I whip off the towels and pull on the pink, see-through underwear that rides low on my hips. I dry my curly hair until it's long on my back, paint my eyes with brown pencil.

By the time I leave, I have sprayed perfume, brushed my teeth, and smoothed lotion over my newly shaven legs.

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He's put the kids to bed, turned off the game, lit candles in our bedroom, poured two tall glasses of apple wine. I drive into the garage and, before I kill the engine, the door swings open. He is backlit by our house, our life, and he seems larger than ever, dressed in the shirt he knows I love.

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I smell cologne. We've been married for five years, but my heart is pounding: I am so ready to be home.

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