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Everything Wrong With Casino Royale In 12 Minutes Or Less

Original question: What sort of torture did they do to James Bond in Casino Royale that made him temporarily crippled? Any guy understands how painful it is for his testicles to get hit, and the experience usually renders him immobile for some time. Of all the tortures James Bond suffered in the hands of his enemies in all the Bond movie franchise, Dutch Scratching is the most humiliating and emasculating of them all. To add to this, in case you were referring to the book, then the answer is mostly the same apart from the instrument used was a carpet beater rather than a rope. I also believe, from memory, that the torture was carried out for a much longer time.

Bad guy Necros is there, too, punching Bond as their net flops around. Necros makes the fatal error of grabbing onto Bond's boot with both hands, and Bond cuts the laces, sending Necros to his rather silly death, as he continues to hold onto the boot as he plummets. Did it slow his descent? We hope so.

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This is another one of Bond's strained uses of a phrase no one really uses anymore, such as "he bought the farm" or "go over like a lead balloon. But, mostly this is painful because up to this point in the movie Timothy Dalton was really an excellent Bond-serious, focused-a fresh back-to-basics for the character. Probably some studio exec saw a rough cut of the film and said, "add boner jokes! Limpet, is stuck in his car teetering on the top of a precipitous cliff.

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Bond kicks the car's tire and it falls off the cliff with Locque still inside, after which Bond remarks pretty much to no one, "He had no head for heights. Wait, is that even a saying? It's a bit abstract, kind of like saying, "he had no genitals for water skiing" after castrating a bad guy while motorboating.

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This would also make more sense if Bond had somehow decapitated the bad guy at a great height, but he didn't. Given the body count of anonymous henchmen in Bond films, it seems like a waste to use up that line in a situation that didn't really apply. He should have waited until he was fighting with someone on top of a helicopter.

Bond has just defeated the bad guy and thwarted his evil plan to start a new race of super humans on a space station. The American and British authorities make visual contact with Bond in an attempt to congratulate him on his success, but instead find Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead sigh going at it like zero-g minks under a space blanket. The Minister of Defense and Q have this exchange:.

This one isn't spoken by Bond, which is nice for a change, and actually it's kind of funny in a guilty Billy Madison sort of way.

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Obviously re-entry refers to entering Earth's atmosphere from space, but we can all see what clever thing Q did with that there. When taken literally this is actually one of the more graphic Bond double entendres.

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And because it's spoken by wrinkly Q, one should probably just try not to think about it at all. Bond's friend Felix Leiter just got married, but on Leiter's wedding night, he and his wife get kidnapped by bad guy Sanchez. Leiter gets fed to a shark, who eats part of his legs.

Bond discovers Leiter's maimed body in a room. Attached to the body is a note that reads:. The idea was to let the audience know that in Sanchez, Bond has finally met his match, double entendre-wise. But changing it from "something he ate" to "something that ate him," ruins the meaning because how would you agree with something that ate you? To make this work, you'd almost need Leiter to have run into, say, a genetically modified baboon trained in the art of debate.

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Leiter challenges him on several points, and the baboon flies into a rage and eats him. Thus, "He disagreed with something that ate him.

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Now that we think of it, "disagreed with something he ate" would have been perfect for the one earlier where Bond killed the guy by shoving the air capsule in his mouth. That guy did disagree with something he ate. Really, how hard is this? Bond is having his final showdown with bad guy Vargas on board Vargas' luxury yacht, which is named the "Disco Volante.

Anyway, Vargas gains the upper hand and is about to shoot Bond when love interest Domino arrives and shoots Vargas in the back with a spear gun. Vargas probably did get the point; the point you were trying to make is that he should die via spear to the spinal column. He totally understands that, now. But, spears are pointy too Bond, you manslaughtering fool, you! What will you think of next? Bond is investigating bad guy Max Zorin's horse racing racket when he meets Jenny Flex, horse trainer-type.

As you see from the clip the exchange is near the beginningwe have sexual innuendo delivered as if they're talking about the geological features of Nebraska. We've come a long way as a society from Bogart and Bacall sultrily exchanging innuendo over cigarettes to Roger Moore and Allison Doody discussing sex as if it was as exciting as a variable interest-bearing mutual fund.

Bond is so bored by the idea of sex at this point that the obligatory pun is a chore for him. Bond and Plenty O'Toole "Named after your father, perhaps? Bond picks up her dress and turns around to find some henchmen are pointing guns at him. Too much information, especially coming from a Sean Connery who, no matter what women thought of him in the '60s, probably looked like a cross between a leprechaun and Chewbacca when naked.

Bond in a romantic mood says, "When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures. Elsewhere, Maj. Anya Amasova asks, "What happened to Kalba? He was killed by being severely bitten by metal teeth-don't ask.

The antique torture chair was a fictional piece of torture equipment recovered during archaeological excavations of the Maiden's Tower, Istanbul. The device appeared during the James Bond film, The World Is Not Enough, and its accompanying novelization and video games. James Bond packed a penis with special powers. James Bond packed a penis with special powers. BroBible. Shop. Sections Highly Clutch Just How Good Was James Bond's Dick, Bro? Good Enough To Cure Ladies Of The Lesbianism by Eddie Cole 4 years ago Facebook. Twitter. FlipBoard.

Also when referring to Jaws the henchman with metal teethBond says, "He just dropped in for a quick bite. What do you think you're doing? It's like the last four hours of The Matrix Revolutions, where the squid robots come pouring through the tunnel into Zion and a guy just stands there screaming and shooting them for about 73 solid minutes of screen time: the double entendres just keep coming.

That's a perfectly natural act between two consenting adults, we suppose. And, maybe it's our problem that the frat-boy innuendo seems par for the course for a man but cringe-worthy when coming from the mouth of a woman who looks like a matronly Reba McIntire. We admit it. We're not ready for middle-aged woman innuendo, mostly because it brings up dark memories of dad walking into the kitchen and saying, "I've got the new fridge. I'll pull around and bring it in that way. Then they'd give each other that hungry, knowing look.

We'd stare at them over our cereal, not quite sure what was going on, but feeling the chill of something horrible having passed unseen through their conversation. Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account? Continue as Guest. Please enter a Username.

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Jan 25,   Original question: What sort of torture did they do to James Bond in Casino Royale that made him temporarily crippled? That sort of torture is called Dutch Scratching, a technique for inflicting pain (more than killing) over a naked male subject w. James Bond, as conceived by author Ian Fleming, is a suave but professional secret agent who doubles as an assassin. He is cold, detached and is, in Fleming's words, "an anonymous, blunt instrument wielded by a government department.". Bond, James Bond shows penis galore when Daniel Craig climbs into a bathtub in this full frontal nude scene from in the biopic Love Is the Devil: Study for a Portrait of Francis Bacon. Craig plays a young thief who has a torrid love affair with the older, openly gay Irish painter.

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